I don't get how ANYONE can deepthroat, I already start gagging when I'm cleaning the back of my tongue with my toothbrush.
I've already tried to put my little finger in my boyfriend's penis several times. Unfortunately for me, each time when I almost succeed, he wakes up.
When one of my female friends enters my top 3 on snapchat, I delete them and re-add them again so my girlfriend doesn't get jealous...
I instantly assume that anyone with the name Kelly, Nancy, Kevin or Lindsey are marginaal.
It's always difficult to find a Bobchinees - that one friend that has to stay sober on newyearseve to get our Chinese food.
I can spend hours being with my chickens.
The only dates I get, are with Android, he calls it updates. #foreveralone
I once was having sex in fakbar Délibéré in the morning when the employees of Inbev entered the bar. They said 'good morning', took a beer, sat at the bar and watched me doing it.
When I go out, I try to pick up girls in the way how Charlie Sheen, Gary from Geordie Shore and Barney Stinson do it. The problem with mixing them up, is that I become a guy who is dressed up in a cotton shirt and short doing the 'Lorenzo von Matterhorn' while speaking with the worst British accent ever.
Boobs or not, I always sweep Michelin coats (aka 'vuilniszakjassen') to the left on Tinder.
I once acted like I was deaf when an ugly guy came up to talk to me. He started trying to communicate in sign language.
I don't want my dog to see me naked. I actually feel embarrased and intimidated.
Sometimes I wish I could have Ctrl+F for my books.
I still think Tangled is better than Frozen.
Vanavond is het vant padje in ne gracht heel de nacht. #komtnigoe